I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just pee around me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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