So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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