My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
