I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
