Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
