Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
