Sry I called you an 8
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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