Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
