She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
