My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
