I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
