He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
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