Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
