Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
