The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
