I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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