Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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