Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
