FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
