Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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