awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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