Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
