Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
