He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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