I think im going to throw up on grandma
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just had sex on a roof
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
