threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
