Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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