All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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