I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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