just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
