I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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