She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
