feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
