dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
