Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
