fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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