I hate your face
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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