I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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