Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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