Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
