I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
