I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
