I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
