If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
