I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
People in love make me want to vomit
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
