I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
