I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
