I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
