i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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