i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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