i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
