He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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