I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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