drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
