do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
