carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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