wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
