and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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