is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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