nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
