could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize