I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Also, beer. Big fan.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
