Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
