I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
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