The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
