The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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