8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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