is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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