Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
